He does not know what he believes. Sometimes he thinks he does not believe anything.
But when all is said and done, the fact remains that his first try at living with a woman has ended in failure, in ignominy.
He must turn living by himself, and there will be no little relief in that. Yet he cannot live alone for ever.
Having mistresses is part of an artist's life. Even if he steers clear of the trap of marriage, as he will certainly do, he is going to have to find a way of living with women.
Art cannot be fed on deprivation alone, on longing, loneliness.
There must be a intimacy, passion, love as well.